When Don Brunns was still alive, we’ve talked about independence. I said to be independent is very difficult if I’m not independent economically. He agreed. At that time, I was still a sophomore, but now, I’m a post-graduate student and Don Brunns has died for one and a half years. I was still not independent. And this has already become a great problem for me.
“To be a good girl”, that is what I tried to be for more than twenty years. But I should say I really want to use my free will and make my own decisions. My mom is a great woman, in that she can do her work well, and manage our family well at the same time. This is the good side of it; the bad side is my mom did too many decisions for me. I’m thankful for what she did for me, but I think I have to learn how to live on my own.
Sometimes seeing others’ lives of my generation will make me understand what is problem of my own life. Before the Spring Festival, I attended several reunion parties of my former classmates of high school and university. I envy them in a way, not for the money they earn, but for they have already have the say in their life.
If I did find a job, I want to rent a house with one or two friends, not living at my parents’ house. Then I will set up my own rules for my own life.
It might be that I’m too idealistic about my friends’ lives. One of my friends wants to travel and see the outside world, but if she gives up her work, how could she live on? She misses the life in the campus, which is I'm "enjoying". Another friend chose to work as she misses the chance to study what she is really interested in. I feel she had done the right thing to choose to work, but she feel what I’m doing is the right thing.
Who is right? Who is wrong? No one is right and no one is wrong. This is life.
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Independence is everyone's goal, I guess. It is so hard to be independent when you are still in school, though. I don't live with my parents, but I can hardly call myself independent when I live in a dormitory.
I think all things come in good time, though. You and I will get out of school eventually and go off into the world. I sometimes look at my high school friends' lives and worry that they have done more than me, but it is really just doing different things at different times for different reasons. In five or ten years, I will have done just as much. So will you, I think.
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